Thursday 7 February 2013
Confinement
According to one of my disgruntled male friends who is also a dad, confinement in Asia is an industry perpetuated by confinement ladies (CLs) to ensure continuity and security of their jobs and income. In his view, it's a complete farce and con job by those ladies to justify expensive fees. The market price in Malaysia in 2013 is RM3500 excluding a compulsory angpow, and I hear that some charge higher. Inflation rates for services are also pretty good (from the ladies' point of view). Three years ago, I paid RM3000.
I am not a traditionalist ( I would consider myself a pretty modern thinker) and yet I still hired a confinement lady for both my kids. I don't subscribe to all the beliefs though. For eg. I don't think bath water needs to be boiled over the stove and spiked with herbs. Heated up water in the water heater is fine. In fact I feel sorry to hear of stories by my last CL who had to carry pails of water up flights of steps so that the mum can have a bath or boiled water to wash hands and brush teeth with.Oh yes, I do bathe and on a daily basis.
I don't really buy the "wind" thing. I don't see why air cons are allowed, and fans aren't. We are living in hot Malaysia and not some freezing part of faraway China. I would however practice moderation - I wouldn't subject myself to extreme temperatures or let myself be exposed to strong winds without reason.
I don't like ginger and herbs, never did and therefore I got my CL to minimise this, although I would take some small amounts. I don't mind and even enjoy the other confinement food. The fact is that I am lazy and love to have people cooking me, and it is a luxury to have a CL cook for me everyday, for 28 days. My other half also gets to enjoy (although he always ends up with ulcers in his mouth due to eating "too heaty" foods)..
The help I get from the CL in looking after the baby, changing diapers is great. As a full time working mum, I love the maternity leave because it's a legitimate time away from the office, and the help enables me to do some stuff that I would not otherwise have time to do. (Like write this blog :)
I completely buy into the "don't touch water" thingy. But only because that gives me a reason not to wash pump parts, dishes and clothes! I feel a bit bad for letting the CL do all these, but its a little bit more "justified" since I have an official reason not to do so.
The most important thing is to find a good CL! That can really make or break the confinement experience.
My first CL was no good. She was a strong formula advocate and nearly scuppered my breastfeeding efforts by bringing the baby to me every time she cried at night and telling me that she was crying as she wasn't full. In retrospect, my first LO was a pretty high need baby and it wasn't the lack of milk. Good thing we bumped into a lovely lactation counsellor at the hospital when we brought the little one for her check up, and CL got a good telling off there for telling me a lot of wrong things.Fortunately for the both of us, we couldn't communicate ( I am a banana and she only speaks cantonese), otherwise I may have given her a piece or two of my mind then.
Second time around, I made sure that I hired a breastfeeding friendly CL. And this one was a bonus, as she spoke English too. I enjoyed the confinement much more than the first time, as she did her job well. She's not perfect, (who is?) - tends to be a bit grumpy sometimes but when it comes to looking after mum and baby, she did her job properly and did not complain. The first CL used to complain that my LO wakes up too many times at night but hey, don't most babies do that? You would have thought that was the basic job description for a CL. My second CL never complained once about that, and also, brought the baby to me at night for feeding only. If the baby cried between feedings, she would try to pacify the baby and not bring him to me, so that I would get proper rest. In my view, she is a good CL (especially after one hears the horror stories out there) but don't expect perfection and don't expect her to do EVERYTHING, like clean up the whole house, and cook for in laws etc. She cooks well and fed me very well, so much so my weight decrease wasn't as fast as the first time. She is also very clean and tidy. Due to lack of communication barriers, I also enjoyed talking to her about a variety of topics, eg. cooking, confinement practices, which is great since you spend a lot of time together during the 28 days. Overall I would recommend her to my friends and if anyone needs her details, please leave a message.
For those who are looking for a CL, please consider what your needs are - BF friendly, or you are ok to let the CL do the night feeds; do you want an English speaking CL, do you need your CL to cook for other members of the family and do other housework? Above all, book early! Forget the superstition about booking the CL too early. The good ones will be gone if you book too late..Confinement is a really great time to look forward to, if you can make it work for you and you should really enjoy it as you only do it one/ twice/ thrice in your life and after all you are paying big bucks for the CL! The key to it is to find a good CL and do what is comfortable for you. Don't be unduly restrained if that makes you absolutely miserable.
(Check back with me 30 years from now to see if I have got rheumatism from not wearing long pants and socks and bathing during my confinement period).
Monday 4 February 2013
Memories from the beached whale days
My second little one just popped 1 month plus ago. Some people absolutely love and miss their days as a pregger woman but not me! I had quite a lot of pregnancy woes, with which, I annoyed my other half, poor friends and anyone who cared to listen, to death. So I thought I should write this down lest I forget and be tempted to have another kid again..
The 7 things I wouldn't miss from my days as a beached whale are:
1. Looking like a beached whale. It's so ironic that maternity clothes cost so much and yet can do so little to accentuate your looks. Why do moo moo clothes need to be priced at a premium? I don't think the extra material is sufficient justification. Unfortunately there really is nothing sexy about being a pregger and nothing external can change that. Not even lots of money and a great sense of style. Its a different story if you are Heidi Klum, but she hardly represents the rest of us mortal folks.
2. Feeling like a disabled person. The first 3 months were pure agony -At the beginning, I remember feeling very ill and thinking that if I took the pregnancy test and it didn't test positive, I must surely be suffering from some terrible illness or disease. Apparently 75% of women suffer from morning sickness, and yahoo! apparently it is a good sign that the baby is doing well. I am sure this is a myth perpetuated by men, in order to console the womenfolk to continue to procreate, so that the human race will not become extinct.
Somehow during that 3 months, a trap door in your throat opens up and the body (baby?) tells the food to go up the wrong way. Somehow miraculously this trap door shuts and some form of normalcy returns after the 3 month mark. The worst thing about feeling like a disabled person at this 3 month period, is that the disability is not obvious to anyone. Pregger women are still in stealth mode, ie no bump showing, so suffering morning sickness on the train or office will get you no favours or sympathy or excuses to get a much needed seat. Any effects from feeling ill at work, will be deemed as incompetence, tardiness or lack of professionalism and may very well be a career limiting move. (Well, child bearing is generally a career limiting move, but that's a topic for another discussion)..
3. Eating like a whale. Morning sickness also made me eat like a horse, as I tried every remedy known to humankind to alleviate the symptoms. You name it, I ate it - ginger, peppermints, dry crackers, lemon juice, ribena, and the only thing I achieved was weight gain.
3. Training for parenthood. Just when the first trimester is over, and life is getting to be hunky dory again, the 3rd trimester starts. Gradually I weigh like a tonne of bricks, and my pretty little feet swell to monster-like paws. A natural (involuntary) training for parenthood begins with night sleep disruptions at night - loo visits are called for as often as up to 5 times per night. Which makes sense since the little one wakes up like 5 times a night in the first month . Ocasionally one gets disrupted by a painful cramp in the leg that comes out of nowhere.
4. Daytime doldrums. The miseries of the 3rd trimester also come avisiting in the day time. Because of the weight of the baby, and the lack of space in my formerly slim body, everything including my abdomen and bladder is compressed and eating a little bit of food, makes my tummy feel like it is about to explode. The loo visits are also a constant feature and is a great torture when one is stuck in a traffic jam on the way home from work. Pregger beached whales really should be given the option to work from home. It's really necessary and I am not whinging unneccesarily. Every movement of the baby also feels like the churning of one's organs. I know some people love the feeling of having a little thing moving inside them, but I reckon they must have forgotten how it feels like to have a karate kick on the ribs, or bladder.
5. UTI and other lovely conditions, like piles. Being pregnant lowers your immune system and makes one predisposed to these illnesses such as urinary tract infection, piles, flu, rashes and all these fun stuff. I was also told by my obgyn, after ingesting 2 courses of powerful antibiotics that "unfortunately, women who get UTI will tend to it again, and there is nothing one can really do about it". Sigh..
6. Pregnancy brain. This is a term coined to denote the forgetfulness and decreased sharpness or intelligence of the mum. It is scientifically acknowledged to be true ( I swear I read this in a pregnancy book penned by credible authors.. but I can't remember which book) and is rumoured to have long lasting effects on the mum. If there were more concrete medical evidence on this, mums would all be sacked from their jobs, upon announcement of their pregnancies. Yet another sacrifice (to add to the growing list) made by mums for the betterment of humankind.
7. Ugly toenails. Say bye bye to lovely feet in the last trimester. I was simply unable to reach my toenails to do the basic trim, let alone do a nice pedicure.I feel sorry for all the medical caregivers that had to endure the sight of my very ugly and unkempt toenails every time I went for an examination or consult which entailed them looking that way. You may ask why shop pedicures were not the order of the day, well.. when you are a beached whale and one with a toddler, finding time to sit for 2 hours for a pedicure is quite a luxury and hauling your beached whale body to the studio is also quite a chore..
Thankfully, the beached whale days are limited and leads generally to the popping out of the baby. It is said that the sight of the baby can apparently make the new mum forget the tremendous pain she went through delivery, and the malaises from the past 9 months. This, together with the full effects of "pregnancy brain", causes the permanent insanity to the mum, who will not rule out the possibility of having another another child in the future but even looks forward to having more many times over. As for me, two is good (for now) :)
The 7 things I wouldn't miss from my days as a beached whale are:
1. Looking like a beached whale. It's so ironic that maternity clothes cost so much and yet can do so little to accentuate your looks. Why do moo moo clothes need to be priced at a premium? I don't think the extra material is sufficient justification. Unfortunately there really is nothing sexy about being a pregger and nothing external can change that. Not even lots of money and a great sense of style. Its a different story if you are Heidi Klum, but she hardly represents the rest of us mortal folks.
2. Feeling like a disabled person. The first 3 months were pure agony -At the beginning, I remember feeling very ill and thinking that if I took the pregnancy test and it didn't test positive, I must surely be suffering from some terrible illness or disease. Apparently 75% of women suffer from morning sickness, and yahoo! apparently it is a good sign that the baby is doing well. I am sure this is a myth perpetuated by men, in order to console the womenfolk to continue to procreate, so that the human race will not become extinct.
Somehow during that 3 months, a trap door in your throat opens up and the body (baby?) tells the food to go up the wrong way. Somehow miraculously this trap door shuts and some form of normalcy returns after the 3 month mark. The worst thing about feeling like a disabled person at this 3 month period, is that the disability is not obvious to anyone. Pregger women are still in stealth mode, ie no bump showing, so suffering morning sickness on the train or office will get you no favours or sympathy or excuses to get a much needed seat. Any effects from feeling ill at work, will be deemed as incompetence, tardiness or lack of professionalism and may very well be a career limiting move. (Well, child bearing is generally a career limiting move, but that's a topic for another discussion)..
3. Eating like a whale. Morning sickness also made me eat like a horse, as I tried every remedy known to humankind to alleviate the symptoms. You name it, I ate it - ginger, peppermints, dry crackers, lemon juice, ribena, and the only thing I achieved was weight gain.
3. Training for parenthood. Just when the first trimester is over, and life is getting to be hunky dory again, the 3rd trimester starts. Gradually I weigh like a tonne of bricks, and my pretty little feet swell to monster-like paws. A natural (involuntary) training for parenthood begins with night sleep disruptions at night - loo visits are called for as often as up to 5 times per night. Which makes sense since the little one wakes up like 5 times a night in the first month . Ocasionally one gets disrupted by a painful cramp in the leg that comes out of nowhere.
4. Daytime doldrums. The miseries of the 3rd trimester also come avisiting in the day time. Because of the weight of the baby, and the lack of space in my formerly slim body, everything including my abdomen and bladder is compressed and eating a little bit of food, makes my tummy feel like it is about to explode. The loo visits are also a constant feature and is a great torture when one is stuck in a traffic jam on the way home from work. Pregger beached whales really should be given the option to work from home. It's really necessary and I am not whinging unneccesarily. Every movement of the baby also feels like the churning of one's organs. I know some people love the feeling of having a little thing moving inside them, but I reckon they must have forgotten how it feels like to have a karate kick on the ribs, or bladder.
5. UTI and other lovely conditions, like piles. Being pregnant lowers your immune system and makes one predisposed to these illnesses such as urinary tract infection, piles, flu, rashes and all these fun stuff. I was also told by my obgyn, after ingesting 2 courses of powerful antibiotics that "unfortunately, women who get UTI will tend to it again, and there is nothing one can really do about it". Sigh..
6. Pregnancy brain. This is a term coined to denote the forgetfulness and decreased sharpness or intelligence of the mum. It is scientifically acknowledged to be true ( I swear I read this in a pregnancy book penned by credible authors.. but I can't remember which book) and is rumoured to have long lasting effects on the mum. If there were more concrete medical evidence on this, mums would all be sacked from their jobs, upon announcement of their pregnancies. Yet another sacrifice (to add to the growing list) made by mums for the betterment of humankind.
7. Ugly toenails. Say bye bye to lovely feet in the last trimester. I was simply unable to reach my toenails to do the basic trim, let alone do a nice pedicure.I feel sorry for all the medical caregivers that had to endure the sight of my very ugly and unkempt toenails every time I went for an examination or consult which entailed them looking that way. You may ask why shop pedicures were not the order of the day, well.. when you are a beached whale and one with a toddler, finding time to sit for 2 hours for a pedicure is quite a luxury and hauling your beached whale body to the studio is also quite a chore..
Thankfully, the beached whale days are limited and leads generally to the popping out of the baby. It is said that the sight of the baby can apparently make the new mum forget the tremendous pain she went through delivery, and the malaises from the past 9 months. This, together with the full effects of "pregnancy brain", causes the permanent insanity to the mum, who will not rule out the possibility of having another another child in the future but even looks forward to having more many times over. As for me, two is good (for now) :)
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