Confinement

According to one of my disgruntled male friends who is also a dad, confinement in Asia is an industry perpetuated by confinement ladies (CLs) to ensure continuity and security of their jobs and income. In his view, it's a complete farce and con job by those ladies to justify expensive fees. The market price in Malaysia in 2013 is RM3500 excluding a compulsory angpow, and I hear that some charge higher. Inflation rates for services are also pretty good (from the ladies' point of view). Three years ago, I paid RM3000.

I am not a traditionalist ( I would consider myself a pretty modern thinker) and yet I still hired a confinement lady for both my kids. I don't subscribe to all the beliefs though. For eg. I don't think bath water needs to be boiled over the stove and spiked with herbs. Heated up water in the water heater is fine. In fact I feel sorry to hear of stories by my last CL who had to carry pails of water up flights of steps so that the mum can have a bath or boiled water to wash hands and brush teeth with.Oh yes, I do bathe and on a daily basis.

I don't really buy the "wind" thing. I don't see why air cons are allowed, and fans aren't. We are living in hot Malaysia and not some freezing part of faraway China. I would however practice moderation - I wouldn't subject myself to extreme temperatures or let myself be exposed to strong winds without reason.

I don't like ginger and herbs, never did and therefore I got my CL to minimise this, although I would take some small amounts. I don't mind and even enjoy the other confinement food. The fact is that I am lazy and love to have people cooking me, and it is a luxury to have a CL cook for me everyday, for 28 days. My other half also gets to enjoy (although he always ends up with ulcers in his mouth due to eating "too heaty" foods)..

The help I get from the CL in looking after the baby, changing diapers is great. As a full time working mum, I love the maternity leave because it's a legitimate time away from the office, and the help enables me to do some stuff that I would not otherwise have time to do. (Like write this blog :)

I completely buy into the "don't touch water" thingy. But only because that gives me a reason not to wash pump parts, dishes and clothes! I feel a bit bad for letting the CL do all these, but its a little bit more "justified" since I have an official reason not to do so.

The most important thing is to find a good CL! That can really make or break the confinement experience.


My first CL was no good. She was a strong formula advocate and nearly scuppered my breastfeeding efforts by bringing the baby to me every time she cried at night and telling me that she was crying as she wasn't full. In retrospect, my first LO was a pretty high need baby and it wasn't the lack of milk.  Good thing we bumped into a lovely lactation counsellor at the hospital when we brought the little one for her check up, and CL got a good telling off there for telling me a lot of wrong things.Fortunately for the both of us, we couldn't communicate ( I am a banana and she only speaks cantonese), otherwise I may have given her a piece or two of my mind then. 

Second time around, I made sure that I hired a breastfeeding friendly CL. And this one was a bonus, as she spoke English too. I enjoyed the confinement much more than the first time, as she did her job well. She's not perfect, (who is?) - tends to be a bit grumpy sometimes but when it comes to looking after mum and baby, she did her job properly and did not complain. The first CL used to complain that my LO wakes up too many times at night but hey, don't most babies do that? You would have thought that was the basic job description for a CL. My second CL never complained once about that, and also, brought the baby to me at night for feeding only. If the baby cried between feedings, she would try to pacify the baby and not bring him to me, so that I would get proper rest. In my view, she is a good CL (especially after one hears the horror stories out there) but don't expect perfection and don't expect her to do EVERYTHING, like clean up the whole house, and cook for in laws etc. She cooks well and fed me very well, so much so my weight decrease wasn't as fast as the first time. She is also very clean and tidy. Due to lack of communication barriers, I also enjoyed talking to her about a variety of topics, eg. cooking, confinement practices, which is great since you spend a lot of time together during the 28 days. Overall I would recommend her to my friends and if anyone needs her details, please leave a message.

For those who are looking for a CL, please consider what your needs are - BF friendly, or you are ok to let the CL do the night feeds; do you want an English speaking CL, do you need your CL to cook for other members of the family and do other housework? Above all, book early! Forget the superstition about booking the CL too early. The good ones will be gone if you book too late..Confinement is a really great time to look forward to, if you can make it work for you and you should really enjoy it as you only do it one/ twice/ thrice in your life and after all you are paying big bucks for the CL! The key to it is to find a good CL and do what is comfortable for you. Don't be unduly restrained if that makes you absolutely miserable.

(Check back with me 30 years from now to see if I have got rheumatism from not wearing long pants and socks and bathing during my confinement period).